The One Thing I Cannot Do Right Now…

…is something that I never imagined would be so hard.  More on that later.

     Since last posting, I’ve been up to a lot.  As I’ve previously posted, I have now had two major surgeries where my eyes are concerned.  Multiple last surgeries ending with two vitrectomies in the right eye.  This past Monday, I was lucky and most fortunate enough to experience an emergency vitrectomy in my LEFT eye.  Oh, joy.

     My retinopathy is extremely aggressive and Dr. B felt that my only option was surgery.  Keep in mind that I cannot fully see out of my right eye at this point because of the silicone oil that has for the moment permanently taken up residence behind my right retina.  I knew this is where everything was headed.  But I never, ever, EVER imagined just how quickly my retinopathy would move. 

     I was back at work in a functioning capacity for a week and a half until I came in, sat down at a computer and completely lost it.  I could not see anything.  Now, let me clarify.  I am not and was not completely blind.  My right eye is 100% blurry (think looking out the skewed bottom of a glass bottle).  I can see big picture, but it is useless to read, look at a computer or even watch TV.  Glasses can’t help my right eye.  My left was a mess of floaters and a total curtain of blood behind my eye with…drum roll…a retinal detachment.  With a detachment, and most specifically my detachment, it was dark.

     Fast forward to last Friday.  I was signed up for surgery Monday morning (I bumped three of her other cases if that gives any bearing on how completely RUDE my eyes are…).  Fortunately, one of the optometrists was able to fit me for a contact lens for my right eye to give it some “workability.” 

     I made it through surgery OK and I am getting used to my momentary disability…It’s very frustrating to only be able to see minimally.  With my lens, I can watch a little TV and my parents were awesome enough to buy me a new phone that I can see enough to get by (an iPhone is WAAAAY too small now).  It’s not as bleak as I had envisioned prior to surgery.  I’m not useless.  I’m getting by and I am in a much better mood than I forsaw myself having. 

     I haven’t let myself dwell on the stuff I cannot do.  I know my vision now is temporary-ish.  I will see better in the future – whether that be through stronger contacts in both eyes, special glasses and/or more surgery.  Things will get better – are better already.

     BUT.  The one thing that pisses me off the most, is the one thing I cannot quite do.  And that is put toothpaste on my damn toothbrush.  WTF.




(I either put too much, too little, it’s hanging off the side, I miss completely or once already, I failed to squeeze any onto the bruch at all)


About pickupmypancreas

I am a Type 1 Diabetic of way more years than I have fingers and toes who loves to read, write, learn and surround myself with friends and family.

Posted on March 15, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. You poor thing! My hubby just went through his last (we hope) surgery in January. His retinal detachment happened March of last year. We certainly know the frustration you’re going through, it is no fun waiting for the next ‘procedure’ on your eye.

    Hang in there!


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